Survival guide for first-time fathers

Welcoming a new bundle of joy is one of the most memorable and exciting moments in a parent's life. Along with getting everything ready at home to welcome a new member of the family, being prepared for the moment you become a parent can bring many emotions and fears as well.

the Brammer family and their 2 children
The Brammer family (from left): Patrick, Reia, Chantel and Jensen

For a new parent, welcoming their first child can sometimes be overwhelming. “My biggest fear before the birth of our first child was the unknown. This was obviously uncharted, unfamiliar territory for both my wife and I,” says Patrick Brammer, a father of two who recently welcomed a baby boy at North York General Hospital. “I remember feeling uneasy even about the little things like changing diapers and bath time. There was an uneasy feeling about how this was in a way going to change our lives from what we had been used to.”

The new journey into parenthood brings many unknowns. “Preparing yourself before having a baby builds your confidence in knowing how to deal with different situations, however the best knowledge will be your hands-on experience once your baby is born,” says Danielle Ferreira, Clinical Team Manager on the Mother and Baby Unit at North York General. With about 6,000 babies born annually at North York General, Danielle says nurses on the unit see first-hand how many anxious first-time fathers instinctively care and nurture their baby.

Patrick says having their second baby was a lot less stressful than the first. “Surprisingly to me, a lot of the worries, or stresses I felt before our first child was born were essentially non-existent. I had more confidence and patience after having our first child, and I didn't have any fears by the time our second was coming along. I knew how to do the little things, and I knew for the most part what to expect. There was obviously going to be the adjustment of balancing a newborn with a toddler, and ensuring that our toddler did not feel left out or any less important, but for the most part, the initial fears were not there.”

Patrick's advice to expectant fathers who are feeling uncertain is to enjoy the little moments. He recommends having time as a family when the baby is first born before extended family or friends are brought in to the room. “My wife was going to be breastfeeding, and we learned the importance of skin-to-skin contact and starting feeding as soon as possible,” says Patrick. “So to be there to support that and enjoy the time as a new family would be my best piece of advice.”

Fathers learn very quickly they are capable of a lot more than they think when they become parents for the first time, he says. He was given great advice when he was a first-time father; always remember that there are three people in your family. Three people who need to eat and three people who need to sleep. It's very easy to get caught up in making everything about your new baby, but they are really only 1/3 of the family, and everyone needs to make sure they are taking care of themselves too. Lastly, Patrick says “remember whom you fell in love with first, it is easy to prioritize your newborn, but do not forget about continuing to build your relationship or marriage.”

This article first appeared in the June 2017 issue of The Pulse.

Subscribe now to receive North York General Hospital's community newsletter. 

Share this article